Itachi Plays Matchmaker
by The Infinite Void
Summary: Itachi is tired of watching Deidara and Sasori avoid each other like the plague when they are so obviously attracted to each other. He decides to help out. Crack. Slash. Sasodei. Oneshot. Mostly written out of amusement.


_I was in one of my (rare) humorous mood._

_So I wrote this, my first naruto fanfic. Oneshot. With my apprentice/servant/best friend/younger sister through a blood pact/editor, Hunteress. She has an account somewhere here in fanficton._

_Warning, Slight breaking of the fourth wall._

_I don't own Naruto. I would be laughing evilly for five days straight if I did. And there would be lots of yaoi pairings, Sakura bashing, and -_

* * *

Simple.

Deidara likes Sasori.

Sasori likes Deidara.

End of story.

The problem is, neither of them knows that the other loves him.

And both are too chickened out to confess to each other, fearing rejection.

But Itachi knows.

Getting tired of this situation, Itachi plays matchmaker.

The Uchiha had watched them from the shadows, Deidara was throwing hopeful looks and sad glances at the puppet master without trying to hide it. Or if he was, then the bomber was doing a crappy job of it. It was a wonder that none of the Akatsuki members noticed. He knew that the members were oblivious but not _that_ oblivious.

Sasori wasn't so obvious about it. The red-head had sent a few discreet looks at the bomber, which didn't go unnoticed by Itachi. Cause Itachi was just so damn perspective and awesome, he knows.

It was so obvious that they liked each other, how the other didn't know was a complete mystery to Itachi. They were that dense.

In his opinion, almost all the Akatsuki members were kickass in fighting, maiming and destroying stuff, but were fools in the courtship of love. Except for Kisame. The fish was born without a brain and that's a valid excuse. Plus Konan-sama.(call it woman's institution)

Itachi knows many other things. Like how Konan and Leader-sama were secretly a couple. In fact, most of the Akatsuki had crushes on some random person.

Kakazu liked his money, and Hidan. The jashinist was probably too obsessed with his religion to care.

Tobi, well, he is a good boy. Who likes a certain mask wearing konaha nin with white hair and a dead girl called Rin or something. Two timer.

Sasori likes Deidara. And vice versa.

Zetsu... hmm. Now that's a tough one. He likes... Tobi? If he does, poor thing.

Oh, and Kisame.

Hn.( Kisame: Whats that suppose to mean?!)

On the plus side, Sasori and Deidara seem to be the most reasonable couple.

Not to mention both good looking.

... Did he just call a male good looking?

...

No. That did not happen. (Glares at writer)

He was _**not**_ gay. **Never.**

* * *

Itachi watches as Deidara throws another lovesick glance at Sasori's retreating back.

Another one. Followed by another.

'God be damned! Just confess to him already! This is seriously getting old!" Was what Itachi thought/wailed mentally. Being an antisocial person with no idea on how to socialise with others, it came out like this;

"You love him." Deidara visibly tensed. When the bomber realised who the owner of the mysterious voice was, he relaxed. Before tensing up again.

If it wasn't for the emotionless Uchiha look, Itachi would have deadpanned. Besides, his sharingan was active.

Itachi stared at Deidara. Which was very unnerving. Imagine Sai staring at you while grinning creepily. Multiply that by ten. The blond fidgeted...

Cue dramatic music.

"Un."

Itachi almost facepalmed. Keyword; almost.

Thankfully, he stopped in time.

The sharingan user contemplated the situation. Which was ridiculous, not to mention, troublesome.

* * *

In Konahagure, Shikamaru and Shikaru Nara sneezed. Before turning back to their game of Shogi.

A single thought went through both their brains. 'How troublesome...'

* * *

Honestly, was this a crappy romantic drama show? It made him want to puke his brains out. If that was even possible.

He could only use one word to describe them.

"Fools." Itachi stated. "The both of you."

Deidara had apparently taken insult to his statement- he looked more than a little outraged.[insert 'Hn']

Therefore, having considered his job done, Itachi, being, well, Itachi, who is just that badass, shunshined away. Managing to look badass. Which he is.

* * *

Sasori stared emotionlessly at Itachi. That stare was mirrored.

This went on for five minutes.

...

* * *

There was a moment of silence. The Infinite Void and its apprentice heard a cricket chirp nearby. Which was unceremoniously squashed by an infuriated writer.

"SAY SOMETHING ALREADY!"

* * *

"What do you want, Uchiha?" That question sounded more like a monotonous demand. Itachi eyed Sasori impassively.

"You love him." Sasori paused momentarily at what ever he was doing. Without doubt, the Uchiha was referring to the one and only blond bomber of Akatsuki. Deidara. How in the world did the Sharingan user find out? His eyes narrowed.

The puppet user shot Itachi a penetrating glare. "And what of it?" Did Itachi like Deidara?"

Itachi almost deadpanned. Again.

"...Fools, the both of you." He disappeared via Shunshin.

...

Sasori stared at the spot where Itachi had once been.

The puppet master will later come to realise the implied meaning behind Itachi's statement, seek out (hunt down) deidara, admit his undying love to Deidara and vice versa after a little scuffle. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. (Writer nose bleeds)

* * *

Sasori and Deidara got together. About DAMN time. Itachi was getting so very tired of watching them walk eggshells around each other.

Though Itachi wished he said something else to Sasori other than what he said to Deidara, he was surprisingly satisfied. Plus, Itachi was frigging Itachi Uchiha, wielder of the Mangekyou Sharingan, a missing nin of Akatsuki and a super kickass Uchiha. All Uchihas are badass after all. But Itachi is more badass, so he didn't need to.

Never doubt Itachi's matchmaking skills.

An alarmed Uchiha stood up abruptly at the dinner table, causing all the Akatsuki members to stare at him creepily/ curiously/ lazily.

Where did the matchmaking part come from?

* * *

Somewhere, in the world of infinity...

The Infinite Void sneezed. It's apprentice followed suit.

"...?" 'Huh?'

"...tch..." 'Must be retribution... Now who in the world did I piss off this time?'

"Shishou, what was that?"

"_That_, young grasshopper, is what happens to you if someone is talking about you behind your back." The Infinte Void grinned insanely and shifted into a more comfortable position before proceeding to finish it's cup of tea.

The apprentice grinned back. "In that case, is someone talking about me?"

* * *

Itachi moved away from the dining tale swiftly and silently, leaving a table of gaping occupants. Most which shrugged and continued eating/squabbling. Most missing-nins were rather eccentric after all.

He was seriously considering ditching his job as a missing-nin, and becoming a matchmaker for hire.

Deidara looked curiously at Itachi's retreating form.

"What's wrong with him, un?

Kisame waved his hand in the air dismissively. "Nah. Kid has his moments." Konan raised an eyebrow.

* * *

_Finally finished this pathetic excuse of a fanfic._

_Apologies__ for any grammar/spelling errors._

_Now, it's time for me to sleep._

_Cue evil laughter._

_Pls review. Counting them helps me sleep._


End file.
